Negotiation

Today, my counselor and I talked about negotiation. It all started when I told her about an incident in which I had trouble telling Matthew what I wanted to eat for dinner. He suggested something and I just went with it. I actually wanted to eat something else, but I was too afraid to rock the boat or to contradict him. I had this mentality that "Beggars couldn't be choosers" and since he was already buying me dinner, then I should be thankful with whatever I received. But then Matthew just got frustrated because I didn't tell him what I wanted.

Why was I so afraid? I talked it over with my counselor and we delved deeper. Apparently, my relationship with Matthew strongly reminded me of my relationship with my parents. He was always paying for me and providing for me. I called on him when I needed help or when I needed to fix something. I felt like he had so much more power and knowledge, so much more wealth and experience. While that wasn't a bad thing, it prevented me from seeing myself as an equal to him and therefore, I felt anxious voicing my opinions. I did not feel equal to him and since I felt like he gave me everything, then I should just accept that with gratefulness.

"But there's more options here," my counselor had said. "You can negotiate." That was a novel concept to me. I did not grow up seeing anyone negotiate anything. My parents only demanded things. They demanded things from their children, from each other, and from themselves. They never negotiated anything and so I never even knew that was an option.

"Try it," my counselor urged. I told her that I would. The next time someone offers me something, I am going to negotiate so we can both get something out of it. It doesn't always have to be a "my way or the highway" type of thing. Even highways have exits. Maybe it's time I took one.