New ways and old ways

I was talking to my counselor yesterday and she commented that I often react to Matthew the same way I react to my parents. I thought about it and realized that she was right. Whenever my parents tried to make me do something because they knew it was good for me, I acted passive-aggressive and rejecting. Whenever Matthew did the same thing, I reacted the same way: passive-aggressive and rejecting. I felt so helpless, so out of control when people did that, like they were not listening to me and devaluing my decisions. I felt like I had lost my self-determination when they did that and slowly, I began to resent their love instead of appreciate it.

"Maybe being passive-aggressive helped you survive when you were with your parents," my counselor said, "but it's not helping now. Maybe now is a good time to try something new."

Try something new. She was right, of course. I couldn't be passive-aggressive and rejecting forever. I didn't want to be that way forever. More than that, I knew that it wasn't good for my relationships and I wanted to change. Maybe it's time to learn some new ways.