Ah, now this one is important. I've had lots of ups and downs with friendships and every time I think I finally made that "forever" group of friends, something changes. People drift apart, move away, change, find new groups of friends, etc. I never had many friends growing up. Maybe one friend at a time for a few years, but that's about it. I had a group of three friends in middle school, and barely any friends in high school. Additionally, I've often debated on the merits and dynamics of friendships as well. I once made an off-hand comment that maybe I shouldn't have any friends; Melissa was very upset by that.
I thought I had made my "forever" group of friends in college, but a lot of drama happened. People in the group made new friends and left our friendship group. Others moved away and some just don't talk or hang out anymore. It happens. I've made a few friends here in graduate school, but since most of them live far away, I don't get to see them outside of school. Now that we are on winter break, I want to set up a time for us to spend together, but for some, it doesn't justify the long commute just to meet up with some old classmates/acquaintances. Besides, everyone is busy and have their own lives. I've sort of made friends with my roommates, but between all of our busy schedules, there isn't much time to hang out. I can see now why it can be hard to have friends. It just seems like people get busier as they get older. We have school, jobs, family, partners. Then some people get married and have kids and then life becomes about the kids. People with kids tend to hang out with other people with kids so their children can have play dates. Then sometimes, people finish school and move away, move back home, or get jobs and it becomes harder to keep in touch.
Maybe some day, there will be that "forever" group of friends. Or maybe my life is not meant to be that way and there's nothing wrong with that, either. I understand that people change and that life sometimes take people in different directions. If I'm meant to keep moving from group to group, place to place, then I will accept it and see where life takes me. I will enjoy my friends when I am with them and I will look forward to making new friends.
Then there are the people who do NOT make good friends at all and that's also part of finding the right group of friends. Over the years, I've dropped people as friends who did not treat me well and who put no time or energy into the friendship. There are also people who did not treat my other friends very well and then there were friends who were just plain creepy, manipulative, bigoted, or excessively clingy. I've dropped those friends as well. Sometimes, it can be liberating to do that. Life is too short to spend the time being friends with people you don't like or with people who don't really care about you. I heard some good advice once from an article. It said to whittle down your friendship group to the three or four people you REALLY want to be with and who reciprocate. Then spend most of your social time with them. You can still have other friends, but it's this group that you will truly enjoy and appreciate the most.
I thought I had made my "forever" group of friends in college, but a lot of drama happened. People in the group made new friends and left our friendship group. Others moved away and some just don't talk or hang out anymore. It happens. I've made a few friends here in graduate school, but since most of them live far away, I don't get to see them outside of school. Now that we are on winter break, I want to set up a time for us to spend together, but for some, it doesn't justify the long commute just to meet up with some old classmates/acquaintances. Besides, everyone is busy and have their own lives. I've sort of made friends with my roommates, but between all of our busy schedules, there isn't much time to hang out. I can see now why it can be hard to have friends. It just seems like people get busier as they get older. We have school, jobs, family, partners. Then some people get married and have kids and then life becomes about the kids. People with kids tend to hang out with other people with kids so their children can have play dates. Then sometimes, people finish school and move away, move back home, or get jobs and it becomes harder to keep in touch.
Maybe some day, there will be that "forever" group of friends. Or maybe my life is not meant to be that way and there's nothing wrong with that, either. I understand that people change and that life sometimes take people in different directions. If I'm meant to keep moving from group to group, place to place, then I will accept it and see where life takes me. I will enjoy my friends when I am with them and I will look forward to making new friends.
Then there are the people who do NOT make good friends at all and that's also part of finding the right group of friends. Over the years, I've dropped people as friends who did not treat me well and who put no time or energy into the friendship. There are also people who did not treat my other friends very well and then there were friends who were just plain creepy, manipulative, bigoted, or excessively clingy. I've dropped those friends as well. Sometimes, it can be liberating to do that. Life is too short to spend the time being friends with people you don't like or with people who don't really care about you. I heard some good advice once from an article. It said to whittle down your friendship group to the three or four people you REALLY want to be with and who reciprocate. Then spend most of your social time with them. You can still have other friends, but it's this group that you will truly enjoy and appreciate the most.
I don't think I'll ever have a complete group of friends who stick around. I always wondered about that myself. Rather, I'd like to have a pack of people I know I can depend on various ways (creatively, emotionally), no matter where we are. And a set of friends that are positive, moving forward, and excited to plan for better days. Other than that, I'm pretty satisfied with my family as my permanent friends.
ReplyDeleteYou're lucky you can consider your family your permanent friends. Maybe one day, I will be able to do the same. Until then, we can both look forward to making new friends, come what may. :)
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