Biography

I was reading the biography of Hans Christian Andersen today--he's the famous writer of stories like "The Little Mermaid" and "The Ugly Duckling." His biography, however, was twice as long as any of his fairy tales. I was appalled by this. While I find him an interesting fellow (and I'm sure his biographers certainly did), I find it hard to believe that anyone reading his stories would feel the same. God forbid anyone do this to my life. I would never allow for any biography written about myself to take up that length (a 36 page introduction!). While I like myself to a certain extent (note the self-absorption above), I highly doubt that the rest of the world has the same sentiments. My biography should take up a page exactly. And by no means should I be described as something I am most audaciously not.

My biography should be as follows (or this should be the general outline):

This author was born somewhere overseas on a (relatively) tiny country. On her move to America, she was stranded at the airport because all the pilots had the nerve to take the day off to celebrate Thanksgiving. Once in America, she settled on the West Coast with her family where they lived a meagre but happy lifestyle. At the impressionable age of seven, she moved with her family to the Southeastern United States where she gradually learned a love of reading and books from digesting the children's novels around her. The rest of her life was uneventful. Surely, she could not be described as being deprived--she got to go to the beach many times. In addition, her upbringing in the middle of two vastly different cultures gave her a diverse view of the world. Growing up with loneliness, however, as well as an early realization that she was different from others, led her to develop a whimsical and mercurial nature. Aside from that, she still keeps a healthy interest in reading, writing, and fantasizing about things like magical factories and faraway lands. To the fulfillment of her parents' wishes, she went on to college (which she is not quite sure she will pass) and dreams of becoming many things, some of which include a gourmet cook, a playwright, a humorist, and a traveler and collector of stories. This harrowing individual has not yet died and so, took it upon herself to write her own (auto)biography.