Songs

My songs don't match me anymore. Before, the songs I loved used to resonate with me. Somehow, I felt as if a songwriter miles away and worlds apart could write something that was so universally popular yet it felt as if they were speaking directly to me. As if my heart were speaking directly to me. Now, I don't have that feeling anymore. I feel as if the songs are empty, as if they always talk about a happiness or a love that I don't have. That I will not have. Before, songs used to make me feel optimistic. Now they seem as if they are telling me useless platitudes. Now the songwriters and singers of the songs seem as if they are just telling me about their life, as if they were commenting on the weather instead of speaking to my insecurities. I don't know. Maybe I'm just making too big a deal out of this. And yet I don't want to give up my music because that would mean that I would be thinking too much about things that are better off left alone. I don't want to be like that anymore. And I believe music deserves better than that. It shouldn't just be a distraction. But what else can I do? Sitting in the silence makes me numb and it seems as if my mind goes into a mode of tunnel vision. All I see is a vast, gray, endless expanse. A tunnel with a light at the end that I will never reach.

All right. Enough with the emo talk. I need to get out there and do something REAL with my life. Like my homework.