How to feel

Haha. This title is like the movie "How to be", which I still want to watch.

I don't know how to feel anymore. I miss my family, but only when I'm with them. When I'm away, I don't miss them at all. It feels strange. I miss my friends, and yet I'm emotionally detached from them at the same time.

I also don't understand the feeling of loneliness. I feel lonely every ONCE IN A WHILE. Not all the effin' time. My friends are all: "I'm watching a movie. I want someone to watch it with me. I'm going to go eat. I want someone to eat with me. I'm taking a frickin' WALK IN PUBLIC and I want someone to go with me." What is this? Why is everyone so afraid of being alone all the time? Why do they need constant companionship and comfort and reassurance? Surely, not EVERYONE is that insecure and self-conscious. I will never understand it. It's such an alien feeling to me.

Maybe it comes from the fact that I'm so introverted so I enjoy my time alone. Or maybe because I don't care so much what other people think. Seriously, when I go out in public to eat or go to class or for any reason, thoughts like: "Oh, is everyone watching me? Are they judging me? Do they think I have no friends because I'm all alone? Do they see me as a loser? Do they pity me?" hardly ever cross my mind. Actually, they only began to cross my mind when my friends confessed that those were THEIR thoughts whenever they went out in public. (Well, some of my friends really don't care what everyone else thinks--they just don't like to be alone. But it still confuses me.)

I still don't understand that. If I'm watching a movie, I PREFER to by myself. That way, there aren't people there to interrupt the movie or criticize everything. If I'm eating, I don't want people watching. If I'm going in public, everyone is too worried about themselves to pay attention so why even bother?

It baffles me. It really, really does.