Trust Issues...again

I was talking with Matt and I realized that once again, I'm having trust issues. I don't trust myself. I don't trust my decisions. I don't trust my future. Sometimes, I wonder if moving up North was a good idea. It definitely wasn't a good idea financially, but part of me wanted a change of scenery, even if it was costly. Then again, I am thrown into doubt time and time again over whether I should have "stayed home." Or whether I should have chosen a different major. Or whether I should have gone to a different school. I know that it's too late to change my decisions now and that it would be easier to just accept that, but I can't help but lament over the decisions I've made. "If only this and if only that." I'm still stuck living in the past. And therefore, worrying about the future. Even though I keep reminding myself to trust, it's just not in my nature. My trust has been broken so many times. Aside from that, I've perceived myself to have made too many bad decisions to trust myself now. Sometimes, I wish someone had given me just a glimpse of what my future would have been like, just a glimpse, and so it could help me choose more wisely. I suppose that's not the point, however. Maybe there's a good reason why so very few people can see the future. Maybe seeing the future would have made us even more indecisive, even more stressed. Instead, we have to do the best with what we have and hope it turns out all right. I just wished I believed in myself more. I wish my parents had believed in me more. I also wished I had been better-looking, smarter, and could read faster. All these wishes. All this highlighting of the things I'm not. Maybe it's time I stopped that. If no one else is going to believe in me, then maybe I should start believing in myself. But how do you even start doing that? Especially after 20+ years of bad decisions and self-doubt?