Sunday, December 2, 2012

Being Good Enough

I was reading through a list titled "20 Things Not to Worry About Before You Turn Twenty." Most of the things on the list made sense and felt comforting. For example, they had: "Don't Worry about choosing political beliefs or siding with a political party. It's the issues that matter, not the party" or "Don't Worry about knowing whether you want to get married or have kids." Then I ran into one that struck right to my heart. It was the one about being perfect and it included a picture where someone had written on the palm of their hand "You Are Good Enough." For some reason, that brought tears to my eyes. I don't know. I've been emotional and crying a lot lately, but those simple words "You Are Good Enough" really hit home. All my life, I've waiting for someone to say that to me, to tell me that I was good enough and that I didn't have to keep trying, to keep working. My parents never did. They were always, "You need to get good grades in school so you can get into a good college." Then: "You need to finish college so you can get a good job." Then: "We're disappointed because you didn't make anything of yourself." So I went to grad school and even then, I don't know if that will be enough for them. I've never met anyone in my social life who said that to me, either. Not my friends, not my relationships. Or maybe I just don't see myself as good enough so their words fall on deaf ears. I'm crying as I'm writing this now, the tears streaming down my face, and I don't understand why. I don't understand how such simple things can make me cry. Maybe I am being too emotional. Or maybe, just maybe, there's something to this after all.

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Hi, I'm jumira-wings, likely to be one of the strangest people you'll ever meet.