Today I had lunch with a friend and we discussed our dating lives as well as the dating customs from our respective cultures. My friend is three-quarters Cuban and one-quarter Puerto Rican and so she told me about dating from Latin culture. I'm Asian and so I talked about customs from Asian culture. When she asked me what kind of guys I liked, I told her Hispanic. She was surprised by this, but I told her that I liked them because they were fiery and passionate.
"And controlling," she told me.
"Really?" I asked.
"Yes."
Well, I had to take her word for it. I've never dated a Hispanic guy and my friend has so I suppose she has more experience. Incidentally, she has dated an Asian guy before. Taiwanese, I believe. My friend told me how he was very smart and ambitious. The guy spoke three languages and was in medical school to become a doctor. And he was controlling as well, she told me. Wow, I thought, but the more I contemplated what she said, the more I realized that there might a grain of truth to it. As we continued talking and comparing cultures, we began to realize how similar the cultures were to each other. Both Latin and Asian cultures were collectivist, with a high emphasis on the family and on group activities. There was also a lot of emphasis on keeping face and not bringing shame to the family name. The similarity that was most relevant to dating customs was the traditional gender role socialization. Men were supposed to be dominant while women were supposed to be submissive. That might explain the controlling boyfriends, I thought to myself. Although, of course, not all Latin and Asian men were controlling the same way not all Latina and Asian women were submissive. I dated an Asian guy once, and he wasn't controlling at all. I suppose this was more just a general statement about people in our cultures and obviously did not hold true for every individual from that culture.
After that, I told her some ugly (and hidden) truths about men and women in my culture. In my native homeland, a man is allowed to beat his wife. What's more, if a woman cheats on her husband, they are immediately divorced. However, if a man cheats on his wife, not only do they stay together, but the man can keep his mistress and keep cheating on his wife. My friend was shocked when she heard this, but all I could do was nod my head sadly. It's often disguised and people don't want to talk about it because they don't want to admit that it goes on, but it's all true all right. In addition to that, people in Asian culture don't usually have a very high level of emotional expression or emotional support. It makes me wonder about all those unhappy Asian marriages, even if there is no domestic violence going on.
Lastly, I want to admit that I was anxious about eating lunch with this friend at first, but now I'm glad I did. It gave us a chance to talk and get to know each other. Now, we've exchanged phone numbers and we're going to hang out once the school semester is over.
"And controlling," she told me.
"Really?" I asked.
"Yes."
Well, I had to take her word for it. I've never dated a Hispanic guy and my friend has so I suppose she has more experience. Incidentally, she has dated an Asian guy before. Taiwanese, I believe. My friend told me how he was very smart and ambitious. The guy spoke three languages and was in medical school to become a doctor. And he was controlling as well, she told me. Wow, I thought, but the more I contemplated what she said, the more I realized that there might a grain of truth to it. As we continued talking and comparing cultures, we began to realize how similar the cultures were to each other. Both Latin and Asian cultures were collectivist, with a high emphasis on the family and on group activities. There was also a lot of emphasis on keeping face and not bringing shame to the family name. The similarity that was most relevant to dating customs was the traditional gender role socialization. Men were supposed to be dominant while women were supposed to be submissive. That might explain the controlling boyfriends, I thought to myself. Although, of course, not all Latin and Asian men were controlling the same way not all Latina and Asian women were submissive. I dated an Asian guy once, and he wasn't controlling at all. I suppose this was more just a general statement about people in our cultures and obviously did not hold true for every individual from that culture.
After that, I told her some ugly (and hidden) truths about men and women in my culture. In my native homeland, a man is allowed to beat his wife. What's more, if a woman cheats on her husband, they are immediately divorced. However, if a man cheats on his wife, not only do they stay together, but the man can keep his mistress and keep cheating on his wife. My friend was shocked when she heard this, but all I could do was nod my head sadly. It's often disguised and people don't want to talk about it because they don't want to admit that it goes on, but it's all true all right. In addition to that, people in Asian culture don't usually have a very high level of emotional expression or emotional support. It makes me wonder about all those unhappy Asian marriages, even if there is no domestic violence going on.
Lastly, I want to admit that I was anxious about eating lunch with this friend at first, but now I'm glad I did. It gave us a chance to talk and get to know each other. Now, we've exchanged phone numbers and we're going to hang out once the school semester is over.
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