I spent most of yesterday being productive. I went to church, jogged for half an hour, and then spent the rest of the day doing homework. Moreover, I limited the time I wasted on the internet and I got some physical activity around the house, too. Hell, I even vacuumed my room and that rarely ever happens.
The amount of productivity combine with physical activity really lifted my spirits. I didn't feel like I was wasting my life, and even better, I didn't feel lonely. I supposed the mindless web surfing was always just a distraction from crushing depression and debilitating loneliness. Now I can fill my days doing something productive.
Lastly, I was lying in bed, and thinking to myself, "What would I be doing if I was going to die in a year?"
Not spend time on the internet, I thought. I would be writing! And so I made that resolution. I would go back to my writing.
Truthfully, it's been too long. I had given up on it years ago because I lost faith in my writing. I believed that I could never finish a story and even if I did, it would never be any good. Then I thought of people dying in hospitals. I thought of people who suffered freak accidents and now didn't have use of their physical or mental capacities anymore. That's when I realized that the same thing could happen to me and it could happen at any time. This time next week, I could get in a car accident and be lying in a hospital with both of my arms ripped off. Then what would I write with? That's when I decided to change. I have full use of my mind and body now and I'm wasting it. I keep waiting for something to come and I don't even know what the something is, but I might be waiting forever. Regardless, I can't keep using it as an excuse to not live life.
Life starts NOW and, depression or not, I'm going to make the best of it.
The amount of productivity combine with physical activity really lifted my spirits. I didn't feel like I was wasting my life, and even better, I didn't feel lonely. I supposed the mindless web surfing was always just a distraction from crushing depression and debilitating loneliness. Now I can fill my days doing something productive.
Lastly, I was lying in bed, and thinking to myself, "What would I be doing if I was going to die in a year?"
Not spend time on the internet, I thought. I would be writing! And so I made that resolution. I would go back to my writing.
Truthfully, it's been too long. I had given up on it years ago because I lost faith in my writing. I believed that I could never finish a story and even if I did, it would never be any good. Then I thought of people dying in hospitals. I thought of people who suffered freak accidents and now didn't have use of their physical or mental capacities anymore. That's when I realized that the same thing could happen to me and it could happen at any time. This time next week, I could get in a car accident and be lying in a hospital with both of my arms ripped off. Then what would I write with? That's when I decided to change. I have full use of my mind and body now and I'm wasting it. I keep waiting for something to come and I don't even know what the something is, but I might be waiting forever. Regardless, I can't keep using it as an excuse to not live life.
Life starts NOW and, depression or not, I'm going to make the best of it.
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