Oct. 1, 2012

I was at my internship today and talking to my supervisor when I realized: I don’t know how to talk about my feelings. My supervisor kept asking me to describe my feelings during group meetings at my agency and I continued struggling. She even gave me a long list of common feelings and synonyms for them based on situation and intensity. I told her, “I was looking at the list and thinking, nothing on this list describes what I’m feeling. Then I realize…I don’t know what I’m feeling!”

Why do I have such trouble with this? I do some soul-searching and I realize that I never cultivated the ability to articulate my emotions. My parents never asked me how I was feeling, not unless I was crying and they wanted to figure out why. They never asked about my feelings for any other situation, not when I was misbehaving, or acting out…nothing. That’s when I think, there are four-year-olds out there who can express their feelings better than me, mostly because their caretakers prompt them. “What are you feeling?” or “How does that make you feel?” or “Do you know of any reason why you might be feeling this way? Use your words.” Things like that. No one did that to me when I was growing up, not my family, not my teachers, no one. I grew up learning plenty of other things. From the scientific method, I learned how to exercise my powers of observation. From psychology class, I learned to be analytical. From anthropology, I learned to think, what else, why else? But I never learned how to talk about my feelings. I suppose if I’m going to become a social worker someday, now would be a good time to start. Better late than dead, I say.