On being a yellow-bellied, lilly-livered, rainbow-flavoured coward

Yep. If you can read all that above, then it would be just the thing to describe who I am. I cannot believe myself.

So we were learning about human verbal language today and towards the end of class, my teacher was saying how the Chinese have five different ways to pronounce the word "Ma". One of the students in our class (who studied Chinese) actually gave an impromptu demonstration. Very cool.

Then, almost as an afterthought, my teacher mentioned Vietnamese...Well, that should have been a red flag for me since it was my native language. I perked up and listened. She told the class about how they had seven different accents and therefore, seven different ways to pronounce something. I nodded and apparently she saw me where I was sitting (all the way in the back of the classroom) for she turned to me looking for confirmation. I said..."Yeah."

After class, I wanted to go up to the board and show her the seven accent signs but then someone else was talking to her and John (from CGSA) was telling her about Swahili so I decided to wait instead. Unfortunately, by the time I had my turn, I had lost my nerve and just walked out. I intended to go see her after class, but then I thought about how Johnathon and Melissa might want to come with me. Pish. I was wrong. Johnathon had a lot of homework to do and Melissa was just...Melissa.

So I went by myself. Now despite the fact that Johnathon had pointed me out to her office, I still got lost trying to find it. Luckily, Andy (the TA for Dr. Vogel's anthropology class) pointed me in the right direction. I found her office and read the little comics strips she had posted on her door and a note that said, "If my door is open or ajar, please come in. Please knock first. If my door is closed then I am not here or not available. Please come back later or try again." At least, that's what I think it said.

Well, after I stood there for a while (not knocking or going in), Andy (the TA, I mean) came by and asked me if I had found it. I nodded. (I was standing right in front of it, wasn't I?) Then he asked me if I was going to knock and I said..."Maybe" in a very small, scared voice. He must have thought I was acting funny since he gave a laugh before he walked on.

Well, I never did. Knock, I mean. After standing there for another five minutes trying to steel myself, I actually turned and went up to the third floor of Brackett to find Professor Raymark instead. He wasn't there. I came back down and tried once again to muster up courage to knock on Dr. Vogel's door. That courage never came.

After another nerve-wracking few minutes, I decided I just couldn't do it and sank to the floor outside her office, sitting with my arms wrapped around my knees and and lamenting my miserable, sorry-a** self. The rest of the time I whiled away on my laptop writing apology letters that I would never send. When it was time to go to French lab, I packed up my stuff, exited Brackett, and walked all the way to Daniel staring down out of shamefulness and wishing I had more confidence.

And that is why I am a yellow-bellied yada yada yada.